you must lack all understanding. blind to what you have, in love with misery. you're searching high and low for any kind of tragedy. everything and everyone's expendable. they're worthless toys, signifying nothing, human dolls that see with sightless eyes. that die. you press your hands against the sky, perceiving nothing but how far you must have fallen, how your god disowned you, screaming, twisting, burning on a barbeque, and dead inside and pretty. oh, but nihilists are comforting; we're equalized in thoughts like: "stench and worms is all that will remain."

white meat stupid ass jumping off the overpass, aiming for escape, but splat! he hits a homeless lady digging through the scrapings, begging for a cigarette. the violence is keen, but it doesn't even faze me. i'm broken on the wheel. i better pop a beer. be a dear and pass the tranquilizer, please. i wanna be the first kid in my neighborhood to say that i remember eating fifty sleeping pills a day. so, i'm gonna get some red hot pussy now. happy days! bottoms up! here's to promiscuity! she gives it for free cause she's all about the charity. she's quick like the cat, and she's done up in black, cause she's down in a hole, like a dark and tortured soul. i'm an oversaturated, sedate, elated, fated, well-fed child of the eighties, created to desecrate my given name with bad language. all my education should have taught me better. i'm king of debating minutia. choose your views and get prepared to lose your mind. i'm wined and dined and stuffed with booze, and i'm a beautiful mind with an axe to grind the curve preserving the status quo. excuse you and your views, mankind has got some audacity. bruised and oozing, intertwined and blinded. overweight, sated, and lacerated in the ass. i got the solution: just shut the fuck up, and let the sun shine. overstimulated and jaded, overcaffinated, still i can't seem to say a single, solitary thing. i'm in a bind, so behind the curve. and i wanna know now just how i can justify all the years i've thrown away without a thing of substance to say. i cannot say a fucking word. i open my eyes and i'm desensitized, and i can't choke out a fucking word. so, i gotta go be dark and tortured now. but when i gotta go, i'm probably really gonna just fuck myself until my hand goes numb. i can't feel a thing. ooh, whack it! i'm so numb now. ooh, whack it! whack it!

you'll never fail to disappoint. yea, you'll never fail to disappoint. is this a test? oh, what a mess i am. talk to myself until i'm convinced i'm not sad. i'm not sad. so you think you're fated? you're just a narcissist, and always fucking lying. and you'll never fail to disappoint. and you'll never make it. you're much too lazy. and your brain is slowly dying and you'll never fail to disappoint. now look at what you've made me do. it's a bitch getting over you.

and in my jaundiced eyes, in the scent of love, we decay and die, and we twine. and pine. just like a thought caught within a sigh. and i'm lost for words, and my tongue is tied, but i don't mind. she's got me on my knees. it's gonna fuck me up. thank the stars! because that girl will be the death of me. she's got me on my knees. oh, motherfuck me up. my soul! i'm begging her to take me. and she's gonna get me. she's gonna get me. and if she wants me, then she can take me and fall down on her knees, kiss my rock and roll blister. touch my hands. kiss my rock and roll blister. oh, and i'm still alive. but she bleeds me dry like a parasite. and her words of love sound rehearsed and contrived, but i can't stay away. now she's in my head, and i can't leave her anymore. fall down on your knees, kiss my rock and roll blister. touch my hands, kiss my rock and roll blister. now i know i'm lost without you, and i'd break my hands off should they ever stray from you. cut my eyes out should they ever look away. every damn fool thing i've ever done i'd do again to claw my way to you, because you had me at hello. you caught me. now, you can eat me. and you can bleed me. and you can feed on me. and you can suck me dry. fall down on your knees, kiss my rock and roll blister. touch my hands. kiss my rock and roll blister. you take everything i give to you, and then you throw it all away. yea, you flush it down as though it's nothing. and you throw it all away. yea, you flush it down as though it's fucking worthless. bleed me. drain me. vampirize me. drink your fill, but once you've had enough, discard me then. and once you break me down, begin again. and don't forget to leave an empty shell where once i tried to love you. drag me through the very depths of hell, along with everything i thought we could have been. i'm too fatigued to pick the pieces up again.

sweep my ideals in a pile. everything's for naught when i defeat myself. and i keep falling under. passing out. and sleeping, it steals my breath away. leaves me praying for escape, worn out and stricken mute. i was conceived with hope to be a hero. instead, i waste myself away. and the truth is, i may never find my way. it's always been the same: i keep giving in. i'm giving up. i'm passing out. and i keep slipping back into an undertow of silent, formless dream. somber, undulating swimmer in a black, polluted sea; no color flashes here. perhaps sometimes it's best if i forget. sometimes i think i'd best be moving on. and you can't save me. never could. and no one owes me anything. how sad. no excuse for my behavior. think i need some sleep now. and i'm dreaming up a desert. and i'm searching for those crafty weasels, roaming all around. oh, where'd those motherfuckers go? wake me up and i'll be all alone. will i never have a place to call my own? am i always doomed and forced to play this white trash rock and roll? and the truth is, i'm such a fucking mess. and i'm breaking, but it's no one's job to pick me up, or help me when i fall apart, and i keep falling under. now i'm passing out again because i've lost my only friend. oh, and it kills me in the name of what?

and i'm clawing at the ceiling. i believe i'm going mad. cause i'm gnawing on my fingers. i believe i'm going mad. with my fingernails a clawin' until they're clean right off my hand. every single day i put my mouth on the trigger. every single day i got my head in the gutter, and now i know i'm going mad. well it seems i've gone and broken every fucking bone i have. yeah, it seems i've gone and broken every fucking bone i have from beating up the sidewalk. i believe i'm going mad.

bear my cross like a man until i can't get up. and swim the filth until i can't see daylight and carry my cross like a man, and once i suffocate, the cycle repeats itself then; breaks me down, begins again. and bearing me down once again, it rolls like slime. it swallows me. i can't get up because i can't see daylight, and i carry my cross like a man. i'm on an endless path. christened in grease. baptized in charnel; i am putrefying. now i can see the last things i ever try, the efforts of the hopeless. i am putrefying, grasping at what time will tell when i'm gone forever, damned to a self-inflicted hell with nothing left to do but claw the walls until they're bleeding. nothing left to do but scratch my name into the sound of nothing left to do that stops my fingernails from seeping; nothing left to stop them weeping blood into the ground as i dream that i'm real, all the fucking time. all the fucking time. i am putrefying. grasping at what time will tell when i'm gone forever. damned to a self-inflicted hell where i am stultified. i am stultified now. i am stifled, blind, defiled until i rot away and wither. i am stultified. now there's nothing left to do that stops my fingernails from screaming, nothing left to do but count the tiles on the ground. nothing left to do but slice my fingers into ribbons, and wipe them and wipe them and wipe them on the chimney as i dream that i'm real. and now i'm crawling like a zombie, cracked like rotten tinder. now i'm crawling on my belly, trudging through an endless winter. now i'm crawling like a zombie, cracked like rotten eggs. and now i'm crawling on my belly, trudging through an endless winter. i am putrefying. sometimes i dream i'm alone, and i'm lost forever, bidding farewell. now i am putrefying. grasping at what time will tell when i'm in tarnation. damned to a self-inflicted hell with nothing left to do that stops the silverfish from squealing, nothing left to do but grind the silverfish to a pulp. nothing left to do but watch the faces in the ceiling. the faces the faces the faces in the ceiling.

the apple of his eye kissed in the parlor peels him like a grape dolls on the clothesline sickness on her lips dust on the curtains wednesday in the rain he draped her in velvet spilling from her mouth brittle yellowed edges soured on the bed the apple of his eye they found them long after buried in cobwebs they lay dead in the flowers plucked of their eyes and rotting in the garden snakes in the trellis screaming from the ashes dolls in the fireplace

with myself and my soul, with myself and my soul, with myself and my soul, i hate your god. your god. and if i'm damned to hell, then i may as well see you there. yea, we may as well burn together. you and me, and as time stood still, you were surprised to find that your god had passed you by. time stood still. your god had passed you by.

pace back and forth until the cows come home, chained to a stick. wear down the floor. pace back and forth until the cows come home. good little monkey. now do it some more.

blame yourself and feel the crushing emptiness, or wear it like a robe. all you need to do is blame yourself. revel in the misery that you've brought yourself. wonder as to what have you endured this, but it's better when you blame yourself. realize that you've always done this. feel it burn. blame yourself. point your finger squarely at the culprit, and you'll languish in remorse, as you should. think about the one you ought to be with now. think about the ones you drove away, and see. roast inside the hell that you've created as you blame yourself. take away that nothing's lost and nothing's gained. learn to cross them off. it's a wonder you can stand yourself. pity that you always played the martyr in the world that you created; if the world believed, it might forgive you. blame yourself and feel the crushing emptiness, or wear it like a robe. all you need to do is blame yourself. revel in the misery that you bought yourself, and wear it like a robe. now, you keep your finger pointed at the culprit. all you need to do is senselessly endure the pain, and everything will stay the same. weighted down, you'll slither in eternal shame, as nothing's lost and nothing's gained.

and broken underneath my anchor in despair, what should i see? she floats like mist through streams of poppies, chained beneath the town in desolation. and i weep into the bay, the lightless chemical seas, the stream. down, down. i wish i'd had the inspiration. wish i could have turned her towards the sun. but i know i'm not gonna sleep until it's ok. if i talk till i'm blue, are we ok? could i filibuster everything right? because i would wax poetic to the world, to all the boys and girls; i am overwhelmed with the desire to cut my face off in remembrance of her, but it nullifies my antiseptic world if she sees me unravel. if i break down and beg her to never forsake me. if i break down. i beg her to never forsake me. if i break down and beg her to never forsake me, she'll never forsake me. you'll never forsake me again.

we're living inside. story of our lives. killing time and smoking. existing in greyscale and deteriorating. kept inside a cage. i still thought that you could do it all. but you couldn't dodge bullets. no, sir. they mowed you down. you couldn't dodge bullets. bam. bam. they shot you up and left you to fall. they mowed you down as if you were nothing at all, and you chipped your teeth where your head crushed into the bathroom sink. broken where the dents will mark the spot where you chipped your teeth. where you fell. it marks the spot where i hold this overwhelming sense that i am all alone now; it wears me down until there's nothing at all. i'm losing it all, but i never thought that we'd lose you this way. i never said all i needed to say. what are the odds, after all, of my voice being stolen away as i thought from afar of my bedridden brother. and wondered if you knew i cared? and then i asked of the gods: would i see you again? i asked of the gods... i prayed, even. i had the right words and lost them again because i was so full of hatred i couldn't see straight, as if i'd never know if you'd know my name. or if you'd wake up. if you'd be the same. small wonder you could get up again. small wonder. keep your head up; things will get better. your hell is your own. as though we don't know that here are we. still alive. stripped of everything except the breath inside us. here is mystery. here am i. here are we. killing time. there's nothing left but the breath you've used to lie to me with the truth inside the picture. beating to escape as i build another wall of introspection chiseled in with thoughts of the love i left behind. i'm counting every day now. all the time that slips away inside. i'm living out of spite. killing time and smoking. existing in greyscale... and doesn't it make you feel like your god has abandoned you? don't you feel like your god has abandoned you? don't you feel like your god let you down? like he put you up on a pedestal and dropped you, just to watch you fall? or what if there's nothing at all? and sometimes i break down... i analyze. i have to know. i'm filling in the blanks of the things that i've missed for so fucking long, considering the days that i could have felt alive. i just break down, seething in the pain that i've held in for years, kept down in the center of my chest like a weight. i'm begging for catharsis, so i don't have to feel like the whole fucking thing was just rigged to turn against me all along, because i'm doing fine. i've just wasted all my fucking life. but i'm ok. i'll just hope for a warm place to fall. and there's nothing left to say.