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Small Wonder

from Silverfish by Coenurus

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lyrics

we're living inside.
story of our lives.
killing time and smoking.
existing in greyscale and deteriorating.
kept inside a cage.
i still thought that you could do it all.
but you couldn't dodge bullets. no, sir.
they mowed you down.
you couldn't dodge bullets. bam. bam.
they shot you up and left you to fall.
they mowed you down as if you were nothing at all,
and you chipped your teeth where your head crushed into the bathroom sink.
broken where the dents will mark the spot
where you chipped your teeth.
where you fell.
it marks the spot where i hold this overwhelming sense that i am all alone now;
it wears me down until there's nothing at all.
i'm losing it all, but i never thought that we'd lose you this way.
i never said all i needed to say.
what are the odds, after all, of my voice being stolen away
as i thought from afar of my bedridden brother.
and wondered if you knew i cared?
and then i asked of the gods:
would i see you again?
i asked of the gods...
i prayed, even.
i had the right words and lost them again
because i was so full of hatred i couldn't see straight,
as if i'd never know if you'd know my name.
or if you'd wake up.
if you'd be the same.
small wonder you could get up again.
small wonder.
keep your head up; things will get better.
your hell is your own.
as though we don't know that here are we.
still alive. stripped of everything except the breath inside us.
here is mystery.
here am i.
here are we. killing time.
there's nothing left but the breath you've used to lie to me
with the truth inside the picture.
beating to escape as i build another wall of introspection
chiseled in with thoughts of the love i left behind.
i'm counting every day now.
all the time that slips away inside.
i'm living out of spite.
killing time and smoking.
existing in greyscale...
and doesn't it make you feel like your god has abandoned you?
don't you feel like your god has abandoned you?
don't you feel like your god let you down?
like he put you up on a pedestal and dropped you, just to watch you fall?
or what if there's nothing at all?
and sometimes i break down...
i analyze. i have to know.
i'm filling in the blanks of the things that i've missed for so fucking long,
considering the days that i could have felt alive.
i just break down, seething in the pain that i've held in for years,
kept down in the center of my chest like a weight.
i'm begging for catharsis, so i don't have to feel
like the whole fucking thing was just rigged to turn against me all along,
because i'm doing fine. i've just wasted all my fucking life.
but i'm ok.
i'll just hope for a warm place to fall.
and there's nothing left to say.

credits

from Silverfish, released September 9, 2009

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